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Main > Archives > 2005 > March > Got A Little Captain Morgan Blog In Ya?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Got A Little Captain Morgan Blog In Ya?

The Capn's blog is the worst blog of the year by far and a failed viral marketing attempt.This is the funniest viral marketing blog launch I've seen in a while. I mean, I am actually interested in hearing what the Cap'n has to say, after all, he is The Captain.

Love the layout, love the colors, love the idea, but does the Captain have the stamina to become a professional blogger? I assume he's been given plenty of gold coins to blog full time from the good folks who sport his full name "Captain Morgan". But aren't pirates after adventure? How much adventure is there in blogs? Will he be a regurgitator and just blog about the news and the same stuff every other pirate blogs about or will he share swashbuckling stories of the high seas?

How great would that be... Sipping a glass of Captain Morgan or a rum and Coke while reading harrowing tales from the Capn's blog. I bet the stories get better and better. But again, if he's just puking out the same old crap as every other pirate it wouldn't be nearly as fun. Well I'm gonna take a peek for myself, let's see, what do we have here?

Well, he wants some demographic information but he doesn't ask for my sex. Guess he isn't doing this for the ladies. He does care about my age and country of origin though and he's gonna give me a cookie so he doesn't have to ask later, that's thoughtful, but I bet he'd call the cookie a cracker. Wait, here's the Capn's first post, I sure hope it's a good one.

Yes, the rumors are true The Captain has a blog. I've been getting tons of e-mails wanting to know the secrets to my partying success. Now, I can't reveal them all, but I can definitely toss my Crew a bone or two. So I'm throwing my tri-cornered hat into the blog ring, where I can tell everyone at once how to achieve extreme Captitude. But hey the truth is that I'm just steering you guys in the right direction; if you're reading this, you're already more than half-way to becoming a true party master.

One last thing, this Blog isn't a one-way street. Learn from me, then go out there and let the good times roll. But don't forget to brag about it in the Blog later.


Well that wasn't very original or enticing at all. Maybe his next posts are better, let's see. Looks like the Cap'n plays basketball.

The Captain here with a reminder for all you basketball fans out there. The action isn't always limited to the court. My seat number ended up being called for the half-time challenge. The reward? Free tacos for the entire arena. Now, The Captain's always up for a challenge and always up for a taco. So I jumped on the court and did my time-tested pre-shot ritual a tip of the tri-cornered hat to the basket, a three-times-the-charm dribble, and bam! Nothing but net. The crowd goes wild! I had to turn down the coach's offer of going pro (after all, I've got a heavy party schedule to keep up with and don't want to disappoint my Crew), but I did end up joining the whole team for an after-game celebration at the nearest club. After that, I was named MVP (and I'm not talking Most Valuable Pirate).


That was a bunch of crap, everyone knows real pirates don't play basketball. I think I'm gonna start calling him Craptain Morgan.

I'm gonna look at one more post but if it's more crap than I'm bailing from this pirate ship in search of a real bloggrrrrrrrrrr. Well here's a post about dogs, doesn't look too good so farrrrrrr.

You feed him, you pet him, you take him for long walks on the beach, you even clean up his mess. Now it's time for your canine to give back. My buddy Todd has used a well-timed game of fetch with his mutt Mudd to get into more backyard parties than he can remember. By the time Mudd gets back with that first gooey tennis ball, Todd's got some new friends and a drink in his hand. But never every try this trick using a cat. Even I don't have enough attitude to pull that off.


That's it, the Craptain's blog sucks! I give it two swords down, way down! All sizzle and no steak. While I'll still drink the rum, I won't read the blog. The captain's got less originality than Rocky VI. Come on Capn, no one's gonna read the crap you're dishing, don't spend all those gold coins in one place.

By Jason Dowdell at 08:52 PM | Comments (4)

(4) Thoughts on Got A Little Captain Morgan Blog In Ya?

he's not a pirate, he is a buccaneer. It's funny when people don't do research and just bitch out something.


Name, Captain Henry Morgan, (yes he was real and this is his rum). Was a British Buccaneer of the West Indies. In 1680 he was named the Governor of Jamaica and started producing his rum.

Comments by cjj : Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 03:52 PM

yes he was a pirate, talk about doing reserch? please. because there was a treaty between spain and britian even tho originaly assigned as a privateer (buccaneer) he was considered a pirate by spain because of his raids on the forts including panama in 1670, in wich he took on 1400 infiltry and 600 cavalry at the gates to panama city, and won, something francis drake did not succeed in. because of these acts however charles the II decided it woulf be in englands best intrest to but a warrant out for his arrest as a pirate to keep ties with spain smooth. after keeping from arrest or prison for a few years however Sir Henry Morgan was knighted in Brittian and lived the rest of his life in Jamaica as governor were he died an alchohalic.

Comments by The Drunken Blades : Monday, December 11, 2006 at 10:51 PM

Did you people know that Captian Morgan was a Christian martyr that was killed for blowing the whistle on the Illuminati (worshipers of Lucifer). Are you shure you want a lil; Captain in ya;?

Ps 108
[10] Who will bring me into the strong city? who will lead me into Edom?

Comments by Captain Bill : Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 04:36 PM

The picture is looking very colourful. The king is looking so funny.

Comments by Rita : Thursday, December 04, 2008 at 05:56 AM

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